ok, ok ... to be fair I'm only sometimes angry, but if I am it's because YOU make me angry!

May 16, 2007

"Don't whiz on the electronic console"

In honor of getting a PS3, some really smart students at the University of Wyoming (go Cowboy Joe & Pistol Pete!) decided to destroy their PS2. I mean, why not? The PS3 is sooooo much better than the PS2. One of the students thought it would be so hilarious to piss on the console, which happened to still be plugged in the wall. He was electrocuted and fell to the floor unconscious. After coming to about ten seconds later, the student was rushed to the hospital where a doctor's prognosis confirmed he was in fact an idiot.
 
BTW if you don't get the reference It's from Ren & Stimpy
 
When nature's callin'
Don't be stallin'
Use your common sense
Before you let it flow
Find a place to go
Just don't whiz on the electric fence

If you're gonna explode
You can use the commode
Of igloos, cave dwellings or tents
No need to explain when you gotta drain
Just don't whiz on the electric fence

You can swizzle on the sofa
Piddle in the air
Tinkle in the toilet
That's why it is there
(Toilet flushing)

You can let it rain
In the breakfast lane
While waving at ladies and gents
Just don't whiz on...
Don't whiz on
Don't whiz on the electric fence.

No! No! No! No! No!

laughing
(electric sounds)
 
 

May 08, 2007

Does this mean if I'm fat when I die, I'm fat for all eternity?

Crematoria struggle with obese

Crematoria are struggling to deal with spiralling rates of obesity.

Expanding waistlines are forcing many councils to spend thousands widening their furnaces, the Local Government Association has warned.

In some cases grieving relatives have to travel hundreds of miles to find crematoria that can accommodate over-sized coffins, reports the BBC.

Standard coffins range from 16-20 inches, but coffins up to 40 inches are becoming increasingly common.

The LGA, which represents over 400 councils in England and Wales, is warning that local authorities are finding that many of their furnaces are too narrow to deal with these larger coffins.

In Lanarkshire, Scotland, a new 41-inch-wide cremator, has been dealing with the funerals of obese people from all over Scotland.

And Lewisham Council has ordered a special cremator from America, measuring 44 inches in width.

 

 

Brad White
IT Special Projects
Primewest Energy Trust
w. 403.699.7218
c. 403.650.5944
bradw@primewestenergy.com

 

May 07, 2007

Dear God, I hope my cat never does that ... he weighs 25 pounds!!

A Canadian cat turned jet set traveller after jumping into a suitcase before her owner flew off to a conference.

It was a big adventure for Ginger who is not normally allowed outdoors, reports ITN News.

Her owner Mary Martell had packed a suitcase for a business trip and brought it downstairs but without closing it fully and Ginger jumped in.

Ginger got as far as the airport baggage scanners before security officers spotted the odd shape in the suitcase, but Mrs Martell convinced them it was coat.

Her suitcase was cleared unopened and loaded onto an Air Canada jet for a two-hour trip to Toronto.

Several hours later, in a hotel in Niagara, Mrs Martell finally unpacked and discovered Ginger.

November 17, 2006

Butt is hitting my legs

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Miss Israel has been given permission not to carry her assault rifle during service in the Israeli army because she says it bruises her legs.

Reigning beauty queen Yael Nezri, a private who recently completed basic training, said the bruises were making it difficult for her to model in photo shoots.

The Jerusalem Post reported that Nezri, 18, had been granted an exemption by her commanders during her two-year army stint.

 

 

 

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October 26, 2006

yeah ... that's good thinking ... next they'll suggest mandating kevlar school uniforms

Candidate says bulletproof books could save lives in school shootings

A retired veteran and candidate for Oklahoma State School Superintendent says he wants to make schools safer by creating bulletproof textbooks.

Bill Crozier says the books could give students and teachers a fighting chance if there is a shooting at their school.

"Our experiment was as scientific as we could make it, just two or three people who had been in the military," says Crozier.

Crozier, who is running for state superintendent, took to an open field near Minco to see if a textbook could stop a bullet during a school shooting. He believes students could use the reading material while running away from an attacker.

"The reason we are doing this experiment," he says, "is because there was a kid in Fort Gibson who was shot in the back but the bullet did not penetrate his textbook."

Using an assault rifle and various pistols, Crozier and his colleagues shot several textbooks in a homemade video.

"Both of the pistols were stopped about two thirds of the way through the books," he says, "and of course the rifle shot went all the way through, so there are some things that we thought could be improved on."

The major improvements include possibly making the book covers out of Kevlar, the same material used in bulletproof vests.

Crozier knows his idea might not win an election, but he believes it could save lives.

"I think it is spawning conversation and discussion, which I think we need to do for safety, and I think this will relieve a lot of people's minds in the school if they know there's some way that they could fight back."

Crozier says the idea is still in its initial stages and he has no idea how much it would cost to cover the books.

When asked about Crozier's idea, current state superintendent Sandy Garrett said she has implemented a statewide, anonymous safety hotline for schools.

In addition, every school is required to have a Safe School Committee and a state-issued Safe School handbook.

March 22, 2006

Best man pad evar!

A woman in Norway turned on her kitchen tap to find beer flowing out.

Haldis Gundersen was preparing to do the washing up when she made the discovery at her apartment in Kristiansund, west Norway.

Haldis did not realise that two flights below, workers in a bar were left confused when water came out of the beer taps.

A worker had connected a beer barrel to the apartment water pipe by mistake.

Haldis said: "I turned on the tap to clean some knives and forks, and beer came out. We thought we were in heaven."

The workers in the bar finally fixed the problem reports BBC online.

Ms Gundersen added: "If it happens again, I'm going to order Baileys," she said.

Maybe she was chasing these guys ... ewww!!



An Olympic gold medallist could not catch up with a gang of teenage robbers after they made off with her cash-stuffed purse.

Romanian Doina Melinte, who still holds the European record for the 1,500 metres, was attacked at a petrol station just outside Bucharest.

Three teenagers took her purse which had £17,000 pounds in it she was carrying to make a down payment on some land.

Melinte, who won gold in the 800 metres and silver in the 1,500 metres at the 1984 Olympics, gave chase but lost the trio after about half a mile.

The 49-year-old said: "I ran after them for about half a mile but could not catch them and I lost them at some point."

Police say they have identified the robbers and are trying to track them down.

February 08, 2006

ummm ... Canned Chicken is never ever "...as good as new"



Couple celebrate with 50-year-old tinned chicken

A Manchester couple celebrated 50 years of marriage by eating a tin of chicken they were given on their wedding day.

Les and Beryl Lailey had kept the can, part of a wedding gift hamper, as a memento of their big day in 1956, says the Mirror.

Les vowed not to eat it until their golden wedding anniversary, so whenever they moved home the Buxted chicken went with them.

And when they finally reached the milestone grandad Les, 73, opened the tin - and found the chicken was good as new.

He said: "I had it with some potatoes and veg and it went down a treat. I knew it would be fine. I've not felt funny at all."

Prof Eunice Taylor, a Salford University food safety expert, said: "It can last indefinitely if it has been sealed properly."

Why does Japan rock? ...Reason #347

TOKYO (Reuters) - "Welcome home, Master," says the maid as she bows deeply, hands clasped in front of a starched pinafore worn over a short pink dress.

This maid serves not some aristocrat but a string of pop-culture-mad customers at a "Maid Cafe" in Tokyo's Akihabara district, long known as a Mecca for electronics buffs but now also the center of the capital's "nerd culture."

"When they address you as 'Master', the feeling you get is like a high," says Koji Abei, a 20-year-old student having coffee with a friend at the Royal Milk Cafe and Aromacare.

"I've never felt that way before."

Maid cafes dot Akihabara, which has become a second home for Tokyo's "otaku" -- roughly translated as "geeks." They're known for their devotion to comics and computer games and can easily be identified by their standard outfit of track suit, knapsack and spectacles.

In the cafes, girls dressed in frilly frocks inspired by comic-book heroines wait hand and foot on customers, mostly male, who might have once been obsessed with naughty schoolgirls and nurses.

At one cafe, maids get down on their knees to stir the cream and sugar into the customer's coffee.

At Royal Milk, diners can follow up a meal with a range of grooming services, including ear cleanings.

Maids at some of the more attentive shops even offer to spoon-feed customers at their table.

Maid cafes have mushroomed since they first emerged about four years ago, evolving from cafes where waiting staff emulated characters from a popular series of role-playing video games, often dressed in schoolgirl-inspired uniforms.

Shops where computer-generated characters came to life to serve coffee to gamers have since morphed into establishments serving customers ranging from teens to septuagenarians.

Akihabara now boasts around 30 maid cafes that cater not just to male geeks but also to couples, tourists and the merely curious.

FANTASY ESCAPE

Patronage is also on the rise among young women, some hoping to snag a geek and turn him into Prince Charming in a real-life imitation of last year's hit movie "Train Boy," a love story set in Akihabara that also became a popular TV series.

"These cafes offer a chance for men oppressed in their daily life to escape into a fantasy world," said social commentator Tomoko Inukai, adding that the phenomenon hardly helped to promote gender equality in a largely male-dominated society.

For some of the "maids," who are often as keen on comics and games as their customers, the job is a kind of virtual world.

"Being a maid is all-consuming," said Hinaka, a maid at Royal Milk Cafe who goes only by her first name.

"I'm not acting like a maid here, I am one."

Besides serving diners from a menu of inexpensive cafe fare, Hinaka also offers fully clothed massages, and for 9,000 yen ($75) customers can chat with her in a private room cluttered with comic books, character figurines and animation DVDs.

The average age of the maids at Royal Milk is 20, and an appearance of innocence is a priority.

"The concept of these cafes, where women who are physically and emotionally immature serve male customers, is not surprising given the fetish for young women among Japanese men," Inukai said.

Hinaka at Royal Milk gets plenty of stares as she moves around in a black dirndl-inspired pinafore worn over a white shirt, which is tied at the collar with a big ribbon that matches her billowing, short pink skirt.

"Sitting here and admiring how pretty the girls are is like admiring a flower," said Kinuko Nagahama, a 29-year-old woman sitting alone at the cafe. "If I were a few dress sizes smaller, I'd love to work at a place like this."

Hair salons in Akihabara are also cashing in on the trend.

At one such establishment called "Moesham," stylists dressed as maids give shampoos and cuts to a mainly male clientele not intimidated by the salon's decor, which resembles the bedroom of a young girl besotted by hearts and lace.

A few customers even come three or four times a week for a shampoo, said Yuki Todo, stylist-manager at the shop.

Yasunori Tomita, a 32-year-old salesman and first-time customer, said, "I don't have a girlfriend at the moment so getting pampered by maids will have to suffice for now."