The biggest Simpson's twist since 'who shot Mr. Burns' ... NOT!

The Simpsons is set to reveal that Marge's sister is a lesbian.
Purple-haired Patty decides to pursue women after being snubbed by every man in Springfield.
She finds true love after being seduced in a bar by a butch lesbian. Homer - who dubbed Patty and twin sister Selma the "gruesome twosome - is horrified at first.

But according to early scripts, he ends up being ordained as a minister - then marrying Patty and her girlfriend.
Patty's only previous fling was a short-lived one with Principal Skinner, says The Sun.
Apart from that she sits at home chain smoking and watching her TV idol MacGyver.

I didn't know you could make money with kids ... Sign me up!

Four-year-old's artwork goes on show
A four-year-old girl is wowing the New York art world with paintings that are drawing comparisons with Jackson Pollock and Wassily Kandinsky. Marla Olmstead, from Binghampton, in New York state, has been painting since just before she was two years old reports BBC online.

Using brushes, spatulas, her fingers and even ketchup bottles, she is creating canvases of six by six foot. The prodigy has already sold about 25 paintings, raising $40,000 (£22,000) and a new exhibition opens on Friday. Her father Mark said: "She does her own thing, she uses a lot of paint but is oblivious to the whole thing."

He said she had first started painting shortly before her second birthday as her father tried to stop her distracting him from his own amateur art. "It was me attempting to paint. I painted my wife's portrait and I gave her the paint as a diversionary tactic. She went at it with all colours. Initially she directed me, and then it evolved to the canvas."

Mr Olmstead said his daughter's work was evolving as she developed into a mature artist.
Gallery owner Anthony Brunelli said of 10 pieces about to go on show, six were already sold, and that the remaining four could fetch between $8-10,000. He said: "Her paintings are very large, anywhere from inches square, to 48 by 64 inches. They have vibrant colours, they're very expressive in the way the paint is applied, brush, spatula, her fingers. Some are Kandinskyesque and some are Pollockesque.

Mr Brunelli said he had a list of 20 people, from as far afield as Japan, who wanted to be allowed first pick of any upcoming work.

... As if I don't have enough pressure

Women have four G-spots - according to a new book.
Human biologist Desmond Morris believes there are three more super-sensitive zones in the upper part of the vagina. He has dubbed them the U-spot, C-spot and A-spot in his new book The Naked Woman, says The Sun. And he says that once a man knows where they are, he can give his lover fantastic orgasms. He said: "If only I'd written this book as a teenager. I can't begin to imagine how much pleasure I could have given girlfriends." The G-spot was discovered in the 1950s by German doctor Ernst Grafenberg.

But if you're small breasted, who's going to call you anyways???

Some of the silly tunes Japanese pay to download to use as the ring tone for their mobile phones sure have their knockers, but it's for precisely that reason that a well-known counselor is raking it in at the moment, according to Shukan Gendai (10/2).

Hideto Tomabechi -- who first made headlines in Japan almost a decade ago after he cured brainwashed members of the AUM Shinrikyo doomsday cult that unleashed deadly sarin gas on the Tokyo subway system -- claims to have developed a tune for ring tones that promises to increase the breast measurements of those who listen to it. And Tomabechi's brainchild for better busts has boomed, with chest challenged chicks swarming to transfer data to their own phones. "I listened to the tune for a week expecting all the time that I was being duped," says Chieri Nakayama, a 19-year-old pin-up model, tells Shukan Gendai. "But, incredibly, my 87-centimeter bust grew to 89 centimeters! It was awesome!". Mobile phone ring tone tunes, or chakumero as they're called in Japanese, are almost an integral part of the arsenal of Japan's tens of millions of cellular phone users. Each of the big phone companies operates sites where their customers can for a few hundred yen per month download songs they use in place of the blase ring tones pre-installed in the phones. Normally, people select hit songs or TV themes, but Tomabechi's tit tune has hit a raw nerve somewhere, attracting an almost unimaginable 10,000-plus downloads in the first week it was made available, despite the numerous titters.

"Most would think it's a lie, but the techniques involved in the process have been known for some time and are the result of research I carried out in the '80s and '90s," Tomabechi tells Shukan Gendai. "I use sounds that make the brain and body move unconsciously. It's a technique involving subliminal effects." Tomabechi claims that techniques exist to provoke movement in a certain part of the brain that reacts to sounds and light. "It's a part of cognitive science. I suppose you could call it a kind of 'positive brainwashing,'" he says. "Sound waves travel in patterns that can be properly re-played."

It's an old adage that many illnesses are all in the mind, but if the counselor's claims are correct, the key to having a huge set of breasts could be the same. Tomabechi says he's already got plans on the drawing board for ring tones aimed at improving memory, increasing attractiveness for the opposite sex, making hair sprout and quitting cigarettes. Even if the rockmelon ring tone doesn't prove to be as effective as its inventor claims, what can't be denied is its success on the chakumero charts.

"We offer loads of chakumero for sale at 300 yen a month and the tune promising huge breasts would have to be in our top 10 at least. It's doing far better than we ever expected," Yuichi Tsujimoto, a spokesman for Mediaseek, which offers Tomabechi's tune online, tells Shukan Gendai. "We haven't done any advertising for it, so I suppose the tune's success has come about through word of mouth. We've even received mail from one user who said they listened to the tune every night before going to sleep and it made her tits bigger."

If you're dying to hear this ringtone (and I know you are), check out Engadget http://www.engadget.com/entry/7291965875463854/ and click on the READ link

Miss Universe before and after

Evidently Make-Up and Tanning = Good

http://www.thesuperficial.com/000293.html

Makes me want to go paintball ... As soon as I scrounge up 14 Gra nd that is

How absolutely AWESOME! Is this...
http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=10554&item=3695608433&rd=1

someone is selling a six-barrel, 288-round-per-second paintball mini-gun capable of being mounted to a jeep or carried around on one's back

Ok, ok I am a nerd but I wouldn't pay $6500 for NES Cartridge

http://www.gamespy.com/articles/492/492961p10.html

I'm afraid to ask how you make it go faster...

Evidently for the guy who has everything, including a phallus obsession

http://akiba.sorobangeeks.com/news_8626.html#
Make sure you check out the videos at the bottom

I'm a SegaSports guy, so Tee-Hee ...

...Go buy Espn Football 2k5 it rocks...
Armchair quarterbacks want leading video game publisher Electronic Arts to give up 20 yards and replay the first down, after discovering a vexing glitch in the latest version of the company's top-selling "Madden NFL" football game.

Owners of "Madden NFL 2005," the new installment in one of the biggest franchises in video game history and a perennial cash cow for EA, are complaining about the glitch in online forums and demanding various remedies. An online petition--with 300 signatures and counting--essentially calls for a recall, in which EA would replace current game discs with ones in which the glitch is fixed.

The glitch involves one new feature and one old one--both intended to make the game a more realistic recreation of professional football. The new "formation shift" feature allows a player to move offensive players at the scrimmage line, potentially confusing the defensive line. It apparently works too well, tapping into the older "fatigue" feature meant to recreate a team's gradual decline on the field. Keep punching "formation shift" commands during a game, and the opposing defense will get so fatigued that it all but falls over.

The glitch is an annoying curiosity for those experiencing the game in single-player mode but a potential joy killer for those looking to compete against other players online.

"If this (formation shift) is used several times before the ball is snapped, the entire defense will be exhausted, therefore hindering their ability to compete," according to the petition. "A person can very easily do this to their opponent without their opponent even realizing that they are being 'glitched'...This glitch may have very well ruined this year's version of the game."

An EA representative said players can either turn off the fatigue feature or use a work-around that bypasses the glitch by calling an audible play before the ball is snapped.

The former solution is mandatory for most online games since EA patched the servers used to host online games for the Microsoft Xbox and Sony PlayStation 2 consoles. The patch requires owners to turn off the "fatigue" setting during online play, a solution that spoils the realism of the game, some customers have complained. "Playing with the fatigue off takes away some of the strategy and realism of online games," one player wrote in a posting to EA's online discussion forum for "Madden." "The running game almost becomes useless...Where's the fun in that?"

Cheating and "cheese play" have been an ongoing issue for game publishers, as consoles have acquired Internet capabilities, with online miscreants discovering untold ways to suck all the fun out numerous games.

Can I interest you in some rain, how about some wind?

MIAMI - For anyone who didn't get enough of Hurricane Frances as it blew through Florida, remnants of the storm are for sale.

More than 170 items were listed on eBay's Internet auction site Monday, a day after the eye of the Category 2 storm came ashore.

The starting bid for Tupperware filled with wind was a penny. Photos showed Broward County residents running around with the containers "catching" the wind. Surprisingly, someone had already bid $10 for one of the four containers.

Somebody had bid $6.99 for beach sand a Broward County surfer had collected. Three Frances survivors had bid 15 cents each to have a woman pray for them.

One-cent vials of rain that fell in Orlando as the storm passed over had no bids. Neither did a woman's offer to sell the T-shirt she wore during the storm, nor did the request by a Longwood resident for someone to help get a large oak tree off of the seller's home and car.

"Winning bidder will receive branches, leaves, sticks, stumps, whatever you would like!" ... What a conversation piece! ... You can own a part of meteorological (sic) history!"

Carol Baroudi, industry analyst and author of The Internet For Dummies, said "I think these are all tongue in cheek. I don't think anyone's serious about these things. I think it's trying to find a sense of humor, which is a good thing."

Ebay has canceled auctions that coincide with tragedies, such as items billed as debris from the space shuttle Columbia or pieces of the World Trade Center and Pentagon

Ebay officials did not return a phone call seeking comment about the Frances auctions.
When Hurricane Charley tore through southwest Florida, causing 27 deaths and billions of dollars in damages, the same type of auctions popped up. Pieces of damaged homes, signs and bottled rain all made it to eBay.

"It's a different kind of thing," Baroudi said. "So far I don't think it's crossed the line of totally tasteless. I don't see anybody being victimized by this stuff. I've seen a lot of positive stuff here."

But some people in the path of Frances didn't find the humor in the various auctions. The storm damaged homes and businesses and at least four people were killed.

"This is a disaster," said 77-year-old Gloria Aragona, who was evacuated with her husband from their Palm Bay mobile home. "It's nothing to make money on."

       

First Vampires now Bears
BUCHAREST (Reuters) - Some 30 brown bears have been terrorizing a Transylvanian mountain village and could delay the start of the school year, local authorities said Thursday.
Villagers are afraid to let their children go outside, with the bold bears are making off with domestic animals in broad daylight, mayor Nicolae Codreanu told state radio from Poiana Marului, 106 miles north of Bucharest.
Animal experts were seeking a solution before the start of the school year on September 15.

From the file "It's so crazy it just might work"

Prison guards in Belgium have made a plea for security to remain lax despite
a spate of breakouts.
Union representatives fear prisoners will turn to violence to get away if
they can no longer escape by conventional means.
They argue that allowing crooks to escape using non violent methods will
stop dangerous situations from developing.
Union Leader Filip Dudal said in a radio interview this week that prisoners
would still try to escape "even if we build underground bunkers".
He said: "It's better from them to build rope ladders or manage to escape
through a case of mistaken identity than planting bombs or taking the
wardens hostage."
In a recent incident, one man was helped from outside over an eight-metre
wall and another walked out of the prison wearing a visitor's clothes.
"We could build prisons that nobody could get out of, but they would be
unbearable," says the union.